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It is far better to be born on silk sheets than on the soiled straw of a dungeon cell. Only a pig would try to tell you otherwise. But this is precisely where the man, whom I can only describe as the hero of our tale, was born. To say that he was ugly would be to do him a kindness. All you need to know for now is that he was given the name “Slobber”.
And Slobber, even when it comes from the mouth of the most beautiful of women, is hardly very attractive, now is it? Allow me to tell you the cruel tale of the fool who, halfwit that he was, fell in love with a princess as pretty as he was repulsive. Allow me to tell you the tale of a kiss. The purest, most beautiful, most moving kiss ever known.